Solitude

I’m disoriented… conflicted by the decisions I’ve made. The memories of what I’ve done haunt me, and constantly pulse in the back of my head as a reminder that I will not be able to easily forget. My past experiences tell me that I have to pay for all the bad decisions I make, but this appears to be my only option. I have to trust myself to make the right decisions for myself. Solitude is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.

It is unbelievable what a hot shower can do for me. The searing hot water against my exposed flesh really does wonders to wash away my pains and sorrows.

While I read this I got chills down my spine at how closely I could relate to it.

The water runs down my chest and along the rest of my body. I take a bar of soap and I lather up and as I do, the water becomes hotter. It slams into my skins and burns my skin and turns my skin red, Although It hurts, it feels good. The heat, the water, the soap, the burns. It hurts but I deserve it.
- James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

I deserve it.

gravity

We are never truly free, we’re imprisoned, and everything around us displays it. In our homes we’re boxed in by our walls. We’re capsulated in the shell of our vehicles. Our skin bounds us into our bodies. Gravity bounds us to the Earth. Sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating.

There’s no way out.

Apathy and Movie Review: 2012

No motivation, no energy, no purpose, why bother at all?

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**disclaimer... spoiler**

I have to say that the movie 2012 did not satisfy my expectations of it. The movie never changed my perspectives on anything, and in that aspect I was extremely disappointed with it. I feel that since the movie dealt with such a touchy and fragile subject matter, that they could’ve and should’ve brought the film to a much greater level. Especially, for people like me who have actually thought of the 2012 catastrophes to be plausible. I have to admit that there were some parts of the film where they almost succeeded in inspiring me to change who I am as a person. But, the film took a turn for the worst and turned into this cookie cutter Hollywood action movie, where the guy gets the girl, the family reunites, and the main character achieves everything he’s ever wanted. What displeases me the most is that the film references tales of such dark and obscure times. Yet, you leave the theatre with feelings of great hope for the future.

But don’t let this stop you from seeing it; on a pure movie-goer point of view it met all my criteria to be an entertaining watch. The action was really intense, the story line was decent, and the digital effects were amazing.

Business as usual

I'm not mean't to be living this life of mine... I feel like I'm destined for greater things in life, and adventurous tales that I'll be able to tell my children and even grand-children one day. I'm mean't to explore, and be creative. I'm mean't to break out of my skin and become one with everything. Instead, I live this 9:00-5:00 life of mine, not particularly suffering but definitely not achieveing my full potential. But, I'm not entitled to that life, atleast not yet. So, until then it's business as usual.

I’m Volatile

I have to take this time to show appreciation to my friends; for dealing with my awkward behavior, secretive nature, and constant bail outs. Sometimes, I feel like a ticking time bomb. I have so many different thoughts and sensations constantly rushing through my head at any given moment, one wrong move on my part and it can all come out. I can very well be a serious danger to their health and safety. At times, I’m a very difficult person to deal with. I don’t take a lot of things seriously, and dismiss certain things from ever happening. I run from my problems, and quickly forget about the past. I don’t express my emotions, and bottle things in. I’m totally unpredictable, and when relationships start to drift I’m not the one throwing down all the anchors. My friends are and for that I have to offer them my sincerest thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are helping me become a more stable human being.

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So, for a while now I've been debating whether or not I wanted to sport a pair of man-uggs. Would it be a total fashion travesty?

Ben Affleck (left), Johnathan Rhys Meyer (right)

numb

I’ve been in this hazy, light headed, out of body
state of being for the past couple of weeks. It just seems like whether I’m in my bed dreaming, in my school’s library studying, or at Starbucks reading a novel, everything just seems to merge together, and deciphering between fact and fiction is not as easy as it once was. The side-effects of the antibiotics I’m currently finishing up, and the fact that I just recovered from a cold are the main players in this personal manifestation of mine. But also, a lot has taken place for me in the past couple of weeks, and has forced me to mature and take on a lot of new responsibilities. I feel quite blank after everything that has happened, with my grandmother’s passing, and the reunion with my cousins after 11 years without any contact. Everything has just become so surreal. It’s now hard for me to determine between reality and fantasy, because what I thought was unheard of just a couple of weeks ago has become concrete fact.

I haven’t posted anything related to fashion lately so here are just 2 different outfits.



smart casual?... Ikram?

Humanity

People are such complicated and peculiar beings. They are so full of emotion and intensity that at times they can be dangers to themselves and others around them. People have this sort of primitive instinctual drive that takes over them when they really want something, stopping at no cost to get it. No matter who the person is they will always think that they’re the harmless innocent party in a conflict. In reality it’s never as easy as labeling something black or white in a dispute, there are always areas with definite shades of gray. Both sides of a story have to be heard, because it’s human nature to explain a story in a bias perspective that takes the blame away from themselves.

I am constantly finding myself making up my mind about a certain predicament, and then having to reevaluate my decisions because the exact same facts are being explained to me in another perspective. People can be so versatile and mysterious about themselves, and judging their character can be a really big challenge. One moment someone can act like I’m their most favorite person, and the next moment they can act as if I don’t exist. People always have a separate agenda in mind, and are constantly doing things for their own benefit. It just goes to show that, things are not always what they seem.

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I’m currently dribbling all my time away in the book I’m reading, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. I can’t quite fully articulate the different feelings that the book brings out in me while I progress through it. It’s definitely an addictive read, as it’s quite difficult for me to put it down. When I do put the book down, and am finding myself reassessing parts I’ve read I get this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. The book, The Lovely Bones, brings out a range of emotions out of me, currently I’m feeling quite hollow and empty, but I’m sure that the ending will bring out the most joyous of emotions. I recommend the book to everyone, but do urge you to fully read the book as the book begins with the most horrific of circumstances, and ends in beauty and hope.

Random

It just so happens that I’m wasting time, and what better way to do that then by posting a new blog entry. I’ve maximized my personal uses of Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter and have now resorted to actually somewhat use my brain to post a blog entry; but don’t be lead astray to believe that this entry is going to be thought out or deep in anyway, because quite frankly I’m majorly slacking and am totally mindless at the current moment.

Yesterday, One of my friends told me I over-analyze things. We had a slight public confrontation, because I obviously had to defend my position as being a normal-leveled analyzer, and not an over-analyzer. But, honestly now that I am sober-minded and can recollect all my random, intense, and convoluted thoughts I probably would classify myself as being a bit of a paranoid. I do come up with the craziest conspiracy theories sometimes… but that’s a topic for another day’s blog entry.

How was my Halloween you ask? It was bunk. No, that’s a bit crude as I did enjoy being around my good friends :). They really did hold the night for me. It started off great but as the night progressed I couldn’t say that that was the case. I started off the Halloween celebrations at my co-workers house, which was a blast, we watched Hell Raiser which wasn’t that scary but pretty gruesome for a movie made in the 80’s props to them. Then a few of my friends got out the alcohol and started pre-dranking (drank because the A stands for alcohol :D). My friend who hosted the party made these delicious shots that I couldn’t get enough of, SO FUCKING DELICIOUS! When we were drunk enough we all taxied down to the Naughty Nights 4 Hero’s Ball down at the Big 4 on the Stampede grounds. This part of the night is where it just started getting weirder and lamer. The bar setup at NN4 was atrocious, it seriously took like 25 minutes to get a few drinks, which prevented my friends and I from going back for 3rds and 4ths. When we left the ball getting a taxi home was a freaking bitch. Some of my friends and I ended up walking from the Stampede grounds all the way to China Town to chill out and wait for the taxi scene to die down. I got home that night around 5:30AM. Overall, I would have to say my night was OKAY but that was the extent.

Check out the band Dragonette they make some pretty chill music. I really should get back to my Theatre assignment now... so, I’ll leave you guys with this picture of me on Halloween, just one because they’re all really gross… Hahaha but have a great Remembrance Day!!!!

haha - yeah that's right Asian Mr. Increidlbe right hurr