2009 you have been good to me

I cannot believe it’s the end of the year already, let alone the end of the decade! I sound like an old fogy speaking about how the time passes so quickly but it’s the absolute truth. This year especially has just blown past, but so many of the memories have made their way very close to my heart and will never be forgotten. Thanks to everyone I’ve hung out with over the course of this year to make it one of the best ever for me. I feel that I’ve grown so much as a person this year; building new perspectives, becoming more open, and accepting and implementing others ideas and opinions. I actually feel like a different person than I was this exact same time last year. That’s a really big step for me as for a majority of my adolescence I was just the same old Tommy who never changed anything about himself. While I sit here and recall the memories of 2009 I don’t even know where to begin. This year has just been a jam-packed hot mess of a year filled with late night talks, trips with friends, and unbelievable amounts of money spent. It has been an absolute blast and I cannot wait for all the new and exciting things that will happen in 2010.

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This is what a majority of my 2010 is going to be spent doing. These are all the books sitting on my shelf which I have not yet started reading. I should be able to knock a few down during the winter break.

I am a complete book whore. This is the precise reason why you should not work in Chapters Starbucks if you enjoy reading.

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here's my blog from highschool http://www.xanga.com/hazardous403

those + galoomba which is dead and will never be able to retrieve those blogs.

don't be so predictable

These people “higher up” do these things thinking they’ve got us all mapped out. They think that with a certain action they’ll get a certain reaction. What they don’t know is that we will catch on, and that we’re smarter than that. Well at least that’s what I thought. Apparently people are stupid enough to fall into the traps they have set up for us. Those people “higher up” are probably giving each other high-fives at how predictable we are. It’s so hard to stand up for us sometimes, because there are people like you who allow yourself to be a puppet. Please, don’t be so predictable.
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Sorry I just needed to get that out before I wallow away for a few days. Can't touch blogspot until my exams are done.

Workplace Relationships

Don’t be offended if you fall into this category, but I cannot fathom why anybody would want to date somebody they work with. Maybe it’s because I work at a high traffic, and high stress location of Starbucks. Or, it may just be me.

I’ve had the personal displeasure to observe first hand a workplace relationship blossom. When I see them together it’s all fine and dandy, which I guess proves that workplace couples can work. But, how they got to that point I will never know.

At work, especially during times of hectic chaos the absolute worst in people come out, and in my opinion their true personalities. All the emotions being displayed during these periods are overwhelming; it’s like P.M.S. on steroids. The whole ordeal is like a never ending cycle of anger, hysteria, tears, compassion, remorse, and regret. An apology is always arranged as a finale to this spastic behavior, and then it all begins again.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the people I work with. But, it’s one thing to get along with them and completely another to commit yourself to them.

I over think everything

About an hour ago I had a misplaced cell phone scare. I seriously felt as if my world was ending. My whole life was freaking flashing before my eyes. I was screaming at myself. I was pulling out my hair. I spent the last 40 minutes in my room doing absolutely nothing productive. I sat there thinking, contemplating my next move.

I thought of every possible explanation of where I could have misplaced it. I retraced my steps for the past 4 hours. I narrowed it down to the only 2 possible places it could’ve dropped. My thoughts then proceeded to what I would do if I ended up misplacing it indefinitely. I thought about all the phones I would want as a replacement, and then I thought about my price range, which then brought my thoughts to Kijiji to buy a used phone, or a refurbished phone which I could hopefully find online. I suddenly remembered that my phone had GPS capabilities, which would unable me to pinpoint the exact latitude and longitude of its whereabouts. That got me to think... if someone had my phone and I pinpointed the location of their house, what would I do? I contemplated contacting the police. I was going to bus there and knock on their door. I was going to do anything possible to get my phone back.

I found my phone in my bag, and I've concluded I’m a total lunatic.

music is my hero

Music has been with me through my ups, and has helped me through my downs. It has offered me so much guidance, and has really helped me grow to the human I am today. Music has taught me so much about myself. It changed me for the better, and for the worst. It taught me my style, and it taught me my taste. I rely on it when I’m lonely. I turn to it was I’m exuberantly happy. It calms me when I’m mad. It makes me feel better when I’m sad. It gives me that extra spurt of energy when I’m at the gym. It helps me wind down at night. It is my best companion on the bus, in the library, or at my desk. Long live music, any music, every music.
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I’ve been listening to John Mayer’s - Battle Studies throughout the day, and have to say it’s a really well thought out album. Never been a huge fan of the guy, but am actually starting to appreciate his work as an artist. I really enjoyed his song Assassin. I wish someone would be my assassin :(.

You get in, you get done and then you get gone
You never leave a trace, or show your face, you get gone
Should've turned around and left before the sun came up again
But the sun came up again
I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen
I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing
I'm an assassin and I had a job to do
Little did I know that girl was an assassin too
Suddenly I'm in over my head and I can hardly breathe
Suddenly I'm floating over her bed and I feel everything
Suddenly I know exactly what I did, but I can not move a thing
And suddenly I know exactly what I've done
And what it's gonna mean to me, mean to me
I'm gone

Oh, Calgary Transit how I loathe you

I was having the perfect day today. That is until you (Calgary Transit) had to go out and ruin it for me. On a normal day to get to 17th avenue from Mount Royal it takes 15 minutes. But, since the roads and weather were so shitty. I planned ahead I left my school at 5:35PM to get to my destination on 17th Avenue by 6:30PM. I not only missed that appointment, but also had to endure waiting in the blizzard weather for 50 minutes. I’ve grown to expect that bus 2 to City Center no longer follows its schedule, even before this whole fiasco. So, when I called the bus route schedule and it said it wasn’t coming for another 16 minutes I expected that it wouldn’t come for another 20-25. Little did I know it would take around 45 minutes! Then, on my connection home I waited at Whitehorn Station for another 40 minutes. The trek home was a total disaster. Cars kept stopping movement of the bus because they would be stuck in the snow, and the bus driver would ask all the guys to go out and push the cars. This group of 4 guys and I had to push this one car half a block before it could move by itself. Never rely on Calgary Transit to help you get to places on time.

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end rant.

You've Created a Monster

You tried so hard to be heard, but no one did, except me. The memories we’ve made have been lost. They have fallen into the chasm. Masked behind all the deceit and lies you’ve took part in over the years. The ghost of you follows me. I feel you, sometimes I see you. I remind myself you’re gone, and nothing will ever bring you back. Do I wish things between us ended differently? I really couldn’t say. I don’t thank you for what you’ve done for me, because of you I hate myself.

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I’m currently reading the autobiography, A Million Little Pieces, by James Frey. Unlike the last book I read, The Lovely Bones, there are definite distinct emotions that I’m feeling; and those are of anger, pain, grief, and hysteria. I’m the kind of person who fully indulges himself into a book. Relating and becoming attached to the characters, so much so that I sometimes picture myself as a certain character. I feel and experience every little agonizing event that takes place for James throughout the novel, which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and at unease. Maybe, it’s due to my lack of life experience, which amplify these emotions that take place for me while I read the book. A Million Little Pieces is said to be life changing for those who are battling addiction. I would not doubt that, and would fully recommend those individuals to read this book.

Solitude

I’m disoriented… conflicted by the decisions I’ve made. The memories of what I’ve done haunt me, and constantly pulse in the back of my head as a reminder that I will not be able to easily forget. My past experiences tell me that I have to pay for all the bad decisions I make, but this appears to be my only option. I have to trust myself to make the right decisions for myself. Solitude is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.

It is unbelievable what a hot shower can do for me. The searing hot water against my exposed flesh really does wonders to wash away my pains and sorrows.

While I read this I got chills down my spine at how closely I could relate to it.

The water runs down my chest and along the rest of my body. I take a bar of soap and I lather up and as I do, the water becomes hotter. It slams into my skins and burns my skin and turns my skin red, Although It hurts, it feels good. The heat, the water, the soap, the burns. It hurts but I deserve it.
- James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

I deserve it.

gravity

We are never truly free, we’re imprisoned, and everything around us displays it. In our homes we’re boxed in by our walls. We’re capsulated in the shell of our vehicles. Our skin bounds us into our bodies. Gravity bounds us to the Earth. Sometimes I feel like I’m suffocating.

There’s no way out.

Apathy and Movie Review: 2012

No motivation, no energy, no purpose, why bother at all?

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**disclaimer... spoiler**

I have to say that the movie 2012 did not satisfy my expectations of it. The movie never changed my perspectives on anything, and in that aspect I was extremely disappointed with it. I feel that since the movie dealt with such a touchy and fragile subject matter, that they could’ve and should’ve brought the film to a much greater level. Especially, for people like me who have actually thought of the 2012 catastrophes to be plausible. I have to admit that there were some parts of the film where they almost succeeded in inspiring me to change who I am as a person. But, the film took a turn for the worst and turned into this cookie cutter Hollywood action movie, where the guy gets the girl, the family reunites, and the main character achieves everything he’s ever wanted. What displeases me the most is that the film references tales of such dark and obscure times. Yet, you leave the theatre with feelings of great hope for the future.

But don’t let this stop you from seeing it; on a pure movie-goer point of view it met all my criteria to be an entertaining watch. The action was really intense, the story line was decent, and the digital effects were amazing.

Business as usual

I'm not mean't to be living this life of mine... I feel like I'm destined for greater things in life, and adventurous tales that I'll be able to tell my children and even grand-children one day. I'm mean't to explore, and be creative. I'm mean't to break out of my skin and become one with everything. Instead, I live this 9:00-5:00 life of mine, not particularly suffering but definitely not achieveing my full potential. But, I'm not entitled to that life, atleast not yet. So, until then it's business as usual.

I’m Volatile

I have to take this time to show appreciation to my friends; for dealing with my awkward behavior, secretive nature, and constant bail outs. Sometimes, I feel like a ticking time bomb. I have so many different thoughts and sensations constantly rushing through my head at any given moment, one wrong move on my part and it can all come out. I can very well be a serious danger to their health and safety. At times, I’m a very difficult person to deal with. I don’t take a lot of things seriously, and dismiss certain things from ever happening. I run from my problems, and quickly forget about the past. I don’t express my emotions, and bottle things in. I’m totally unpredictable, and when relationships start to drift I’m not the one throwing down all the anchors. My friends are and for that I have to offer them my sincerest thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are helping me become a more stable human being.

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So, for a while now I've been debating whether or not I wanted to sport a pair of man-uggs. Would it be a total fashion travesty?

Ben Affleck (left), Johnathan Rhys Meyer (right)

numb

I’ve been in this hazy, light headed, out of body
state of being for the past couple of weeks. It just seems like whether I’m in my bed dreaming, in my school’s library studying, or at Starbucks reading a novel, everything just seems to merge together, and deciphering between fact and fiction is not as easy as it once was. The side-effects of the antibiotics I’m currently finishing up, and the fact that I just recovered from a cold are the main players in this personal manifestation of mine. But also, a lot has taken place for me in the past couple of weeks, and has forced me to mature and take on a lot of new responsibilities. I feel quite blank after everything that has happened, with my grandmother’s passing, and the reunion with my cousins after 11 years without any contact. Everything has just become so surreal. It’s now hard for me to determine between reality and fantasy, because what I thought was unheard of just a couple of weeks ago has become concrete fact.

I haven’t posted anything related to fashion lately so here are just 2 different outfits.



smart casual?... Ikram?

Humanity

People are such complicated and peculiar beings. They are so full of emotion and intensity that at times they can be dangers to themselves and others around them. People have this sort of primitive instinctual drive that takes over them when they really want something, stopping at no cost to get it. No matter who the person is they will always think that they’re the harmless innocent party in a conflict. In reality it’s never as easy as labeling something black or white in a dispute, there are always areas with definite shades of gray. Both sides of a story have to be heard, because it’s human nature to explain a story in a bias perspective that takes the blame away from themselves.

I am constantly finding myself making up my mind about a certain predicament, and then having to reevaluate my decisions because the exact same facts are being explained to me in another perspective. People can be so versatile and mysterious about themselves, and judging their character can be a really big challenge. One moment someone can act like I’m their most favorite person, and the next moment they can act as if I don’t exist. People always have a separate agenda in mind, and are constantly doing things for their own benefit. It just goes to show that, things are not always what they seem.

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I’m currently dribbling all my time away in the book I’m reading, The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. I can’t quite fully articulate the different feelings that the book brings out in me while I progress through it. It’s definitely an addictive read, as it’s quite difficult for me to put it down. When I do put the book down, and am finding myself reassessing parts I’ve read I get this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. The book, The Lovely Bones, brings out a range of emotions out of me, currently I’m feeling quite hollow and empty, but I’m sure that the ending will bring out the most joyous of emotions. I recommend the book to everyone, but do urge you to fully read the book as the book begins with the most horrific of circumstances, and ends in beauty and hope.

Random

It just so happens that I’m wasting time, and what better way to do that then by posting a new blog entry. I’ve maximized my personal uses of Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter and have now resorted to actually somewhat use my brain to post a blog entry; but don’t be lead astray to believe that this entry is going to be thought out or deep in anyway, because quite frankly I’m majorly slacking and am totally mindless at the current moment.

Yesterday, One of my friends told me I over-analyze things. We had a slight public confrontation, because I obviously had to defend my position as being a normal-leveled analyzer, and not an over-analyzer. But, honestly now that I am sober-minded and can recollect all my random, intense, and convoluted thoughts I probably would classify myself as being a bit of a paranoid. I do come up with the craziest conspiracy theories sometimes… but that’s a topic for another day’s blog entry.

How was my Halloween you ask? It was bunk. No, that’s a bit crude as I did enjoy being around my good friends :). They really did hold the night for me. It started off great but as the night progressed I couldn’t say that that was the case. I started off the Halloween celebrations at my co-workers house, which was a blast, we watched Hell Raiser which wasn’t that scary but pretty gruesome for a movie made in the 80’s props to them. Then a few of my friends got out the alcohol and started pre-dranking (drank because the A stands for alcohol :D). My friend who hosted the party made these delicious shots that I couldn’t get enough of, SO FUCKING DELICIOUS! When we were drunk enough we all taxied down to the Naughty Nights 4 Hero’s Ball down at the Big 4 on the Stampede grounds. This part of the night is where it just started getting weirder and lamer. The bar setup at NN4 was atrocious, it seriously took like 25 minutes to get a few drinks, which prevented my friends and I from going back for 3rds and 4ths. When we left the ball getting a taxi home was a freaking bitch. Some of my friends and I ended up walking from the Stampede grounds all the way to China Town to chill out and wait for the taxi scene to die down. I got home that night around 5:30AM. Overall, I would have to say my night was OKAY but that was the extent.

Check out the band Dragonette they make some pretty chill music. I really should get back to my Theatre assignment now... so, I’ll leave you guys with this picture of me on Halloween, just one because they’re all really gross… Hahaha but have a great Remembrance Day!!!!

haha - yeah that's right Asian Mr. Increidlbe right hurr

snow

A light coat of snow covers the ground outside the lodge today. In the afternoon sun it shimmers, reflecting glamorous rainbows of light. I wittnessed a wedding take place in the midst of the twinkling white veil of snow. The bride was beautiful on her big day and the groom never took his eyes off her once. Their visit was brief. The photographer orbited the couple capturing the essence of their big day. The wedding party took off , everyone smiling and laughing, with their newly attained treasure of pictures.

let yourself grow

Truly, the smallest things can make the world of difference. Be honest with yourself and follow your heart. Keep trying even if it feels like there’s no hope left. Keep fighting even if it feels like there’s no fight left in you. Believe in yourself and never forget your goals. Don’t let the pessimists get you down and NEVER let anyone hold you back. Let yourself grow, you ultimately control your destiny.

time, time, and time again

The end of the school year is coming up so fast. I hate to be the emotional sensitive kid I am, but I can’t help it!! Today was Students’ Councils last meeting and it was just really sad. The meeting itself wasn’t particularly sad, although at the end of the meeting all the Councilors said their own little “good-bye it was fun” speech. I was realizing everything was wrapping up and coming to an end. We planned the budget for the next year’s board and it just hit me really hard because the next meeting of SC will be in the fall. I can still remember this year’s first meeting clearly, well I remember my interview to become a councilor most vividly actually. I was scared that I wouldn’t get the position, although I always did have the confidence in the back of my mind because I could recall my very extensive history with student governance.

I remember walking into Council Chambers not knowing a single person. Everything was so new and shiny and the people… they all knew what they were talking about, and it was quite intimidating I have to admit. Now I can freely express myself around them. I’ve grown so fond and comfortable with them I couldn’t imagine governance without them. Now, today, when I was peering outside the Council Chambers windows it looked like spring, the sun was setting and lit up the sky is magnificent colors of orange to pink. Everything’s over and the cycle will be starting up again. I have to thank SA for the many things it’s done for me; I’ve changed for the better as a advocate, as a student, but mostly as a person. I’ve been privileged to have had the opportunity to participate in such an organization.

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The weather is a wakeup call. Things are boiling down. Time to put my gears to full throttle… There’s not much time left.

an excretion of my daily life

If you know me you might have noticed that I've been a bit off and desolated for the past week or so. You see I'm a semi-believer in fate and destiny (basically greater forces somewhere helping me make decisions in my life). Well a lot of things just wern't working out for me and I kind of just felt like digging a hole and staying in there. But, yesterday a whole change of events took place for me. Everything fell into place, which reinforced my faith in this force. It doesn't want me to be miserable... it actually wants me to go places in life.

Here's the "note" I wrote to lookbook... because it actually meant that much to me.

A second attempt

I’ve come in realization and regret of my last request to become a member of the lookbook.nu community. It was silly and foolish of me to display such selfish reasons for wanting to become a member of your website. The lack of thought and impulsive nature all resulted to produce an unappealing and unattractive application. So, for all those reasons and more I would like to start again. As if the first time never happened.

To be a lookbook.nu member means so much more than to just be able to post outfits and to rate other members. The nature of lookbook.nu is quite awe-inspiring in itself. People from around the world can exchange ideas with other people who share a common interest. As a member you have the power to inspire and invoke people’s ideas and thoughts about fashion. As a member of lookbook.nu I would love to share my creativity and love of fashion, to hopefully inspire other people on this website as they have inspired me. Thank you.

I got in! On my own terms and everything. Thank you lookbook.nu for acceptance and closure.

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I'm going to see Coldplay live on June the 16! I'm superr pumped. I plan to religiously listen to just Coldplay albums until their concert so I can sing along to all their songs :) it'll be great. Thanks Emily soo much. You're a great friend.

you try so hard but none of it matters

I’m never content with anything in my life. I always feel that something bigger needs to be accomplished. I should be content with my life. I’m healthy, I’m educated, I have a family that loves me, friends I trust, and goals. I’ve never experienced a death in my personal sphere and I pray to god that it stays that way. I don’t know why I’m never content. I always dwell on the past. I need to shed these old habits and make room for new. I need progress. I don’t want to visit my past anymore.

experimentation

my current emotions >> my current playlist
The Man Who Can't be Moved - The Script
Kids - Mgmt
Heartless (cover) - The Fray
Never Say Never - The Fray
Street Lights - Kanye West
Speed of Sound - Coldplay
Don't Panic - Coldplay
Brown Eyes - Lady Gaga
Set Down Your Glass - Snow Patrol
The Planets Bend Between Us - Snow Patrol
Comin' Home - City and Colour



I ramble, I rant, I write as if no one else is going to read it and quite honestly I could care less if people read it or not. I'm me. I can't change for you no matter how much you would like that. I do hold things back, not because I can't bear the thought of other people reading it, but because I don't want to admit those things to myself. I enjoy the beauties in life but I also hate the smallest things that irritate me. I'm only human. I can only achieve the amount any other human being can.

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Do what feels right to you. We’re all different, each and every 8 billion of us are individuals. We don't look alike and we definitely don't think alike. Choose to be yourself.

sizzle, hush, click, bang

We define what's impossible. Everything is a state of mind. The only person who can ever stop you from doing something is yourself. Life is boundless. Free yourself from yourself.

Never at Bliss

Even as a I kick back to relax, the ache of life comes creeping next to me, taking comfort at all my sighs and moans. It will never settle for less than pain inflicted to myself and others. Even as I sip my favourite specialty coffee beverage, and sink into the comfiest seat in the room, the pain seeks me.

I'm trapped.

i wish i had a big grey scarf to go with this. Something like this.

Escapism

People do it for various reasons; which could vary from family problems, to hard living conditions, to even physical or emotional abuse. But, no matter the problem we all do it. Everyone has to admit that they're not happy with one thing or another in their lives, and why wouldn't we be. Especially in our society where we're taught that striving for the very best is the only possible way to have a happy life. Along the way there are always people who are putting us down and quoting cliché’s like, "there's always someone better in the world". Disappearing for a few hours a week if not more into fantasy, love, and worriless is the least we can do for ourselves under all the pressure. We are not cowards for doing it. Anyone who denies ever being an escapist is in denial. Any medium used as entertainment can be a form of escapism.

I am far more than guilty for being an escapist. I've used/use various mediums such as films, literature, television series, religion, friends, internet chatrooms, video games, and clothing. The only time being an escapist could be a bad thing is when it becomes an addiction. Pace yourself. Don't go overboard. Don't make escapism your life.

Lady Gaga

Lady GaGa is a pop icon sensation of our modern culture. She pushes limits and dissolves society's bounding box. Lady GaGa's style is her own, it can be imitated but never duplicated. It's nice to see someone different in mainstream music, if that's even possible. As an artist she knows what she's doing and how the business works. In her song lovegame she was very clever with her metaphor of a discostick. She carries a wand which is stature for royalty and the divine. The queen of England as well as pharos in Egpyt all carried wands. Her "discostick" is swaying us as she takes over the pop charts and changes modern pop culture indefinitely. Long live pop and the new queen of pop Lady GaGa.

click link to download MP3

Lady Gaga - Fashion (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=9NGQYO3P)
Lady Gaga - Lovegame (http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XQUFE67S)

*MESSAGE ME IF LINKS ARE BROKEN*

Coffee Shop

I love the rush of people outside in the downtown sceneric surrounding. The window like walls act as sound barriers to incapsulate myself and the classical music of the 50's to achieve a serene atmosphere. The lives of hundred's of thousands of people pass by as I indulge in my sweetend capucinno and fictional novel.